Right now, I do not enjoy my current situation. Having to attend school for hours upon hours with absolutely nothing in return (for now, of course), and getting released from band past 12 AM. Most days, there is very little fun to be had, and when the opportunity comes, it’s always obscured by the constant need for “good grades.” A few years ago, I would go home, finish my homework, study for my tests, and sleep until the next day, without acknowledging anything. Several years before that, I’d spend my hours exploring the woods near my house, sneaking into Regents, and building bungee-cord contraptions in the garage during rainstorms. The more I think and reflect on that part of my life, the more saddened I become, realizing those moments are hardly reality. I can’t seem to remember how I felt, or the elation I expressed – it’s all gone and it makes me absolutely furious to see where life has taken me. I socialize a lot and listen to many people everyday, talking about their expectations, and what they wish to do with their lives, and no one seems to see what I see. I think time might pass slower for me than some people, or at some point in my life something happened to separate my old memories from my new ones. Some experiences I remember vaguely undergoing only occurred five or six years ago, but feel like a different lifetime in my perception. Back to what I was saying, the amount of hours I’m required and expected to attend school prevent me from experiencing those emotions again, and it sickens me to acknowledge the end. I’ve only lived around a fifth of my life, but I feel like I’ve been alive forever.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life, but I don’t think it matters. For now, I’ll stick with the system until it kicks me out. 🙂 peace peace